Hoovering is a form of narcissistic abuse that former abusers will use to convince you to return to the relationship due to their own need for attention. Please know that you are NOT alone. Talk through the abuse with a victim advocate by calling 642-4422.
Signs of Hoovering
- They send you messages pretending as if nothing has happened such as:
- “What’s up?”
- “How are you?”
- They use special occasions as a reason to make contact.
- They ask random questions.
- They reach out and act concerned.
- They use children to initiate discussion.
- They invite you to activities that they know you love.
- They fawn over and praise you for no reason.
- They ask for your help.
- They send you “accidental” calls or texts.
- They promise to stop their bad behavior.
- They act as if you are the one hoovering.
- They accuse you of trying to get their attention.
- They have someone else relay messages.
Why Me?
How to React:
- When a trauma bond has formed between yourself and your abuser, hoovering can produce a strong desire to return back to them.
- Their feelings have most likely been hurt by you and getting you back allows them to boost their ego
- Remember that narcissists are always out for what they can get from someone else.
- Remember the reasons why you left and don’t look back.
- Change your phone number, block them from contacting you, and make new connections.
- Stand your ground and be strong.