Gaslighting is a tactic used by abusers to exert more power and control.
If you are someone you know is experiencing gaslighting by an intimate partner, please call a victim advocate at 642-4422 to get help. Your mental health is important to us.
Signs of Gaslighting
- Your partner pretends they don’t understand what you said or refuses to listen, shutting you down when you try to confront them
- You apologize repeatedly to your partner
- Your partner will tell you that you do not remember things correctly
- Your partner says blatant lies but repeatedly tells you that it is the truth
- Your partner changes the subject when you bring up their behavior
- Your partner calls you “too sensitive”
- Your partner acts very forgetful of events or their behavior
Effects
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Isolation
- Loss of hope
- Dependence on the abuser
Resources:
- Check out our Gaslighting Recovery Workbook
- Read the article How to Stop Gaslighting
“Notice that the gaslighter rarely reveals as much intimate information about himself. Meanwhile, the information you share will soon be getting used against you in fights—it becomes psychological ammunition.” – Stephanie Moulton Sarkis
How to Identify It
- Disclose to a safe family member, friend, or victim advocate
- Journal instances so that you can reassure yourself of what actually happened
- Keep screenshots, messages, or other evidence
- Put space between yourself and your abuser
- Practice self-care
- Seek treatment and counseling for the psychological abuse
Phrases:
- “I did that because I was trying to help you”
- “That is not what happened”
- “You’re crazy”
- “This is why you don’t have friends”
- “This is your own fault”
- “That is not what I meant”
- “It’s not that big of a deal”
- “You’re too sensitive”
- “It was just a joke”
- “You’re overthinking this”
- “You’re being paranoid”
- “You’re making that up”
- “I don’t know what you want me to say”
- “You have no clue”
- “Who are they going to believe?”
- “You’re not perfect either”
- “Why are you always bringing up the past?”
- “You’re not making any sense”