Safety planning is critical for individuals that want an organized plan to avoid or to react to danger scenarios. If you feel like you may be in an abusive situation, whether it is happening now or might happen in the future, having a safety plan is recommended. While each safety plan is different, it can include information about how others can help you in a time of need, how you can protect yourself and others around you in an abusive situation, and resources that you can contact if you feel threatened.
Listed below are some tips on safety planning for specific situations. If you would like further help, please contact the CARDV helpline.
Safety Planning Tips
Safety while living with an abusive partner
-Find escape routes in your home that are away from weapons
-Have many practical reasons for leaving your home at different times of the day
-Keep a charged phone near you at all times
-Open a bank account in your own name
-Give an extra set of keys, documents, clothing, and money (emergency bag) to a trusted friend in case you need to leave suddenly.
-Keep evidence of abuse in safe location (send to trusted friend, family member, or victim advocate) if you intend to press charges after leaving abuser
-Discuss code words or signals with a trusted friend or family member in case of an emergency
Safety after leaving an abusive partner
-Keep your Order of Protection with you at all times and give copies to your employer, children’s school, and local police department
-Change locks on the doors and install necessary security systems.
-Discuss safety measures with children.
-Ask neighbors to call the police if they see your abuser nearby.
-Have someone witness telephone calls at home and work.
-If communication is necessary, meet in public place or use 3rd party to make contact and relay messages.
Safety with children
-Teach your children how to escape safely
-Remind them not to intervene in a violent situation
-Teach your children how to call 911 in an emergency
-Have a plan of where the children can go in an emergency (trusted neighbor, grandparents, etc.)
Safety with pets
-Ask trusted friends or family members to provide a temporary home for your pet
-Local pet programs can assist in caring for animals while you are seeking safety. CARDV can assist in making necessary arrangements.
-If the abuser has the pet, ask law enforcement officers if they can intervene
-If you have left your abuser and have your pet, consider changing veterinarians
Checklist of Emergency Situation Items
- Order of protection copy
- Birth certificate
- Vaccination and medical records for self and children
- Power of attorney/will
- Separation/custody paperwork
- Social Security cards
- Welfare identification
- Green cards
- Driver’s license and registration
- Copy of lease/deed to home
- Passports
- Address book
- Keys
- Cash
- Credit cards
- Medications
Resources on Safety Planning
A protective order is defined as an official legal order issued by a state court that requires the abusive person to stop the violence or abuse and maintain a certain distance from the victim. It can lead to legal action or arrest if the protective order is violated. Protective orders can also be called restraining orders, an order or protection, or an injunction.
Why would I file a protective order?
Protective orders allow for legal protection against an abuser. A protective order can provide certain benefits when requested such as financial support, custody of children, and/or having the abuser leave the residence. While there are advantages to filing a protective order, it can have disadvantages in certain cases. Since both parties receive notification of the protective order being filed, this can cause some abusers to become more dangerous. Some abusers do not comply to the protective order and continue communication with the petitioner.
How can I file a protective order?
Appropriate forms must be filled out and submitted to the county courthouse. In Missouri, an individual can file an Order of Protection either in the county where they reside, the county where the abuser resides, or in the county where an incidence of violence has occurred. After filing the protective order, a court date will be set and attendance at the court date is required if the petitioner wants the order of protection to be granted, Both the petitioner and respondent will be informed about the submission of the order.
What is the difference between the petitioner and the respondent?
The petitioner is the person that has been a victim to domestic violence, sexual violence, and/or stalking.
The respondent is the person that has allegedly committed an act of domestic violence, sexual violence, and/or stalking. The respondent is also the person that the protective order is being directed against.
What is the difference between an ex parte and a full order of protection?
An ex parte is a temporary protective order. This temporary protective order is what goes into effect if granted until the hearing for the full Order of Protection. Court hearings are usually set within 15 days of the ex parte being filed and a full order of protection is typically valid for 180 days but will expire before the end of one year.
How can I use the order?
Keep a copy of the order with you at all times (glove box, purse, etc.), give a copy to others who need to know (school, family, etc.), and keep an extra copy in a safe place
- Document all contact with the respondent, even if it is court approved. This includes contact via phone, email, text, mail, face-to-face)
- Call the police if the respondent violates the order. Be sure to tell them that you have a protective order and give them the case number
- If you need to exchange children or property, pick a public place, have a safety plan, and bring a witness if possible.
How can CARDV advocates help you with a protective order?
If you choose to pursue a protective order against a respondent, advocates at CARDV can help you complete the necessary forms in order to submit the protective order. CARDV advocates are additionally available for emotional support and guidance through the court process. If you are interested in submitting a protective order or receiving advice about the protective order, please call our help line (573-642-4422) or our toll free number (866-642-4422).
CALLAWAY COUNTY CONTACTS
EMERGENCY
911
DISPATCH
Callaway Law Enforcement
573.592.2486
CALLAWAY CIRCUIT CLERK
573.642.0780
CALLAWAY PROSECUTING ATTORNEY
573.642.0714
MID-MISSOURI LEGAL SERVICES
800.568.4931
MISSOURI COURT FORMS
If you are in danger, please try to use a safer computer that someone abusive does not have direct or remote (hacking) access to.
If you think your activities are being monitored, they probably are. Abusive people are often controlling and want to know your every move. You don’t need to be a computer programmer or have special skills to monitor someone’s computer and Internet activities – anyone can do it and there are many ways to monitor with programs like Spyware, keystroke loggers and hacking tools.
It is not possible to delete or clear all the “footprints” of your computer or online activities. If you are being monitored, it may be dangerous to change your computer behaviors such as suddenly deleting your entire Internet history if that is not your regular habit.
If you think you may be monitored on your home computer, be careful how you use your computer since an abuser might become suspicious. You may want to keep using the monitored computer for innocuous activities, like looking up the weather. Use a safer computer to research an escape plan, look for new jobs or apartments, bus tickets, or ask for help.
Email and Instant/Text Messaging (IM) are not safe or confidential ways to talk to someone about the danger or abuse in your life. If possible, please call our hotline instead. If you use email or IM, please use a safer computer and an account your abuser does not know about.
Computers can store a lot of private information about what you look at via the Internet, the emails and instant messages you send, internet-based phone and IP-TTY calls you make, web-based purchases and banking, and many other activities.
It might be safer to use a computer in a public library, at a trusted friend’s house, or an internet café.
Source: MOCADSV.ORG (Missouri Coalition Against Domestic & Sexual Violence)
Mid- Missouri Legal Services
Columbia: (573) 442-0116 Toll Free: (800) 568-4931
Jefferson City: (573) 634-4545 Toll Free: (888) 476-4545
MOVANS: 1-866-566-8267
www.vinelink.com
Missouri victim automated notification system.
Access to information and notification for: Offender Custody Status, Court Hearings, Protective Order Status.
Missouri Safe at Home
Address confidentiality program.
Contact CARDV to apply
Crime Victim’s Compensation
The Crime Victims’ Compensation Program financially assists people who have sustained physical or psychological injury as a result of a violent crime by paying for reasonable medical and counseling expenses as well as lost wages if the victim was gainfully employed on the crime date.
Find a Forensic Exam Provider
The SAFE Kit Initiative program website can be used to find a medical provider certified to conduct a Forensic Exam after an assault. Forensic Exams are used specifically to collect evidence of a crime in case law a survivor has made a report or is considering making a report to law enforcement.
SAFETrack
For survivors who have obtained a SAFE exam (rape kit), the SAFETrack program can be used to track the processing of their Forensic Exam
Self-care is not selfish. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.
Self-care is essential for overall health, especially after the trauma of domestic or sexual violence. It is critical in the process of healing and taking care of your body and mind. Some examples of self-care include surrounding yourself with positivity, focusing on your physical needs, rebuilding mental health, and learning how to take “time outs” when needed.
Ideas for Physical Self-Care
- Eat healthy meals regularly
- Drink plenty of water
- Strive to get quality sleep
- Exercise regularly
- yoga, running, swimming, walking, horseback riding, biking, weight-lifting, dancing, etc.
- Stretch
- Go to the doctor
- Take time off
- Get a massage
- Taking vitamins
Ideas for Emotional Self-Care
- Journal
- Meet with a counselor
- Meditate
- Read books or poetry
- Breathing exercises
- Stay in contact with important people in your life
- Let yourself truly feel your emotions
- Join a support group
- Complete a puzzle or word search
- Play with pets
- Volunteer
- Color or paint
Remember to take time for yourself and work on self-care, even if seems difficult to implement into your life. Make your self-care routine specific to your needs and interests. If you are having a hard time with self-care, consider scheduling daily self-care time in a planner or in an agenda.